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About Deviant Artist Member vincentludwigMale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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i'd be awoken about 5 am 
everyday.
church attendance on sunday,
family home evening on
monday and mutual on
tuesday.

schools, churches,
every hour of the waking day
(of which there weren't many
due to sleep deprivation)

all of them were after me.
i'd get home about 7 and curl
up in front of the fire like a
cat.
5 minutes of unconsciousness
before i'd have to walk to 
school for yet more hours of
indoctrination, boredom, and
control.

i'd zone out and lose interest.
during one of these moments
miss holroyd the spanish teacher
stopped the class looked at me
and said "am i boring you
john?".
"yes" i said.

ask an honest question get an
honest answer,
receive an honest answer, 
attack.
her face went red and she 
started screaming at me,
told me to get out the classroom.

as im waiting there to be punished
for telling the truth,
for being honest in an institution 
that is made to impart truth and 
knowledge it dawned on me that 
something wasnt quite right,
and in the churches also.

she'd come out tell me how rude
i was, shout at me some more, not
realizing that i had made no attempts
to be rude until she had asked me
a question.
honest answers and the freedom
not to listen, to zone out and look out
at something more real like the trees
were not allowed.
you had to smile and look interested
go along with it and give the
answers they want.

it had apparently always been 
this way,
my mother always tells me this story
of me as a kid. im in nursery about
5 years old and miss lamb is trying to
teach the class something,
i close my book
she asks me why and i say i've had
enough now.
she tells me miss lamb had to turn
around and hide her laughter from the
class because it was said so
matter of fact.

and i didnt want to get baptized either,
nor the priesthood,
i didnt want all the achievements they
thought were necessary 
for passing life's test.

i was perfect ignorance,
the anti thesis of a sponge, evading
every attempt and escaping all
teachings.

reading those scriptures at one those
early morning sessions the teacher
asked, what do you want be when you
grow older?
others said jobs, spoke of career plans,
when it came to me i said
"i want to be an innovator, not an
imitator."

and i cringe looking back on what a
pretentious little prick i must
have looked,

little did i know i'd grow up to be
neither.
years of refusal
Im aware the title is taken from a Morrissey album but i thought it went quite well with the general theme. 
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make it too obscure
make it too clear

its been over thought
its been under thought

too much meat
and not enough

the margin for error is
so small

as with all poetry it
should end abruptly
and with silence.
with most you are
relieved when 
it does.
we are sharks
that swim
so desperately
trying
to stave off
the inevitable.

you were just 
a thought in my
mind,
a point on the
horizon i walked
toward believing
it could come no 
closer.

we held the 
realities at arms
length.

life is terminal

we are all
terminal
though
death is the one
certainty
we doubt.

it happens to
everyone

but never us

and never
today.


(we hold the 
realities at arms
length.
we hold ourselves
till the grave.)
fairy tale of new york in the
background 
as you fall into yourself
and into the bottle, 

anything and everything 
that will distract you from
yourself and the enormity
of living.

sometimes reality moves so slow
and the 
stars seem so abstract
and painful that you get
this numbness. 

feeling yourself watching them
and feeling 
separate from it
and 
yourself wondering where 
the hell you are. 

no consolation and nothing to
hold on to but yourself.

living is not much but its 
all there is
and 
even in this situation death
is unthinkable and 
terrifying
(perhaps even
because of it).

tasting the taste of it knowing the
lips will rot. 

as a billion suns and a billion arms
grasp outward 
for something.

tasting the taste
A new years eve poem
Loading...

not attachment but in the melting
away of all definitions distinctions
and concepts. 

you realize the enormity of it and 
reality becomes surreal,
beauty enters and you disappear.

the world of appearance is thought,
the thing in itself is what is
and what contains it

language describes it, but it's not
language.

inwardly and outwardly

what is is what exists and what
contains it is space and
consciousness.
the Egyptians loved the cat
were often entombed with it
instead of with the women 
and never the dog

but now
here
good people with
good eyes
are very few

yet fine cats
with great style
lounge about
in the alleys of
the universe

about
our argument tonight
whatever it was
about
and
no matter
how unhappy
it made us
feel

remember that
there is a
cat
somewhere
adjusting to the
space of itself 
with a delightful
grace

in other words
magic persists
without us
no matter what
we may try to do
to spoil it.


-Charles Bukowski

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vincentludwig

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United Kingdom
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Favourite genre of music: rock and blues
Favourite style of art: impressionism/post impressionism
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:iconsairey:
sairey Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch!! <3 I really appreciate it!
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HanOneSail Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much for the favorite!
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noirbloome Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2015
Such a beautiful gallery full of beautiful works :) XxxxxxxX
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Anselm-King Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014
Thank you for adding me to your deviantwatch and for the favorites---Your attention is received gladly. <3
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Art-deWhill Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2014   General Artist
Hey, thanks so much for faving the *Yellow Fields* this is super appreciated :)
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magneticecho Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for the faves <33
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Phantomtigers Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the favorites :D
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oddityghosting Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the favourite :)
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Hades-Flower Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014
Thanks for the poetry faves :rose: . . . and your new ID pic is fantastic! Flirty Revamp 
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NerdiestGirl Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014
Nice profile pic! Sneaky way of bringing in more views, perchance? ;)
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