i'd be awoken about 5 am
church attendance on sunday,
family home evening on
monday and mutual on
every hour of the waking day
(of which there weren't many
due to sleep deprivation)
all of them were after me.
i'd get home about 7 and curl
up in front of the fire like a
5 minutes of unconsciousness
before i'd have to walk to
school for yet more hours of
indoctrination, boredom, and
i'd zone out and lose interest.
during one of these moments
miss holroyd the spanish teacher
stopped the class looked at me
and said "am i boring you
"yes" i said.
ask an honest question get an
receive an honest answer,
her face went red and she
started screaming at me,
told me to get out the classroom.
as im waiting there to be punished
for telling the truth,
for being honest in an institution
that is made to impart truth and
knowledge it dawned on me that
something wasnt quite right,
and in the churches also.
she'd come out tell me how rude
i was, shout at me some more, not
realizing that i had made no attempts
to be rude until she had asked me
honest answers and the freedom
not to listen, to zone out and look out
at something more real like the trees
were not allowed.
you had to smile and look interested
go along with it and give the
answers they want.
it had apparently always been
my mother always tells me this story
of me as a kid. im in nursery about
5 years old and miss lamb is trying to
teach the class something,
i close my book
she asks me why and i say i've had
she tells me miss lamb had to turn
around and hide her laughter from the
class because it was said so
matter of fact.
and i didnt want to get baptized either,
nor the priesthood,
i didnt want all the achievements they
thought were necessary
for passing life's test.
i was perfect ignorance,
the anti thesis of a sponge, evading
every attempt and escaping all
reading those scriptures at one those
early morning sessions the teacher
asked, what do you want be when you
others said jobs, spoke of career plans,
when it came to me i said
"i want to be an innovator, not an
and i cringe looking back on what a
pretentious little prick i must
little did i know i'd grow up to be